Episode 1: Dear God, I didn't mean for this to happen

Dear God,

I don’t even know how to start this...

I keep telling myself it’s not that deep, that it’s just something casual, something light, something I can control but if I’m being honest, it doesn’t feel light at all.

It started off simple.

We were just talking, laughing, nothing serious. I told myself I wasn’t looking for anything, and he said the same thing. No pressure. No expectations. Just vibes.

And I believed that.

I told myself I was being smart this time… not getting attached, not overthinking, not doing too much. But somewhere in between the late-night conversations and the way he looks at me like he actually sees me… it stopped feeling casual.

Or maybe it was never casual at all. I don’t even know when it changed.

All I know is… I think about him more than I should. I wait for his messages more than I want to admit, and when I leave, I always feel something I can’t explain.

Not regret exactly… but not peace either, and that’s the part I can’t ignore.

Because I know better.

I know what I believe, know the kind of life I said I wanted to live, I know the kind of woman I’m trying to become. So why does this feel so hard to walk away from?

Why does something that feels so good in the moment leave me feeling so confused after? I keep trying to convince myself that I’m in control… but if I’m honest, I don’t think I am.

And maybe that’s what scares me the most, because I don’t know if I’m drifting away slowly… or if I’ve already gone further than I wanted to.

I didn’t mean for this to happen, I really didn’t. so why does it feel like I’m already in too deep?

Episode 2 coming soon...

Have you ever been in something you told yourself you could handle… until you couldn’t?